I never thought that all it would take to feel a total sense of normalcy was to just go back to college. A weekend filled with close friends where I sheepishly avoided staring at girls who could likely get me arrested, drank in excess (sorry Dr. Reidy), and ran the tables in beer pong (call it beirut, I dare you) made me almost completely forget about dealing with cancer and all the bullshit baggage that comes with it.

And as I sat there, hungover as fuck in the airport, punching myself after realizing I had booked my fat ass into a middle seat, all I could think about was how I can keep that feeling of normalcy going? Do I need to just go to a different college every weekend for the rest of my life? Could I convince my friends to abandon their families and join me? Am I that selfish?

Of course I am, but I also have a heart somewhere underneath all these layers. Maybe turning into a modern day Bluto Blutarsky isn’t necessarily the answer, but developing a bit of a routine, getting myself out of the house and away for the weekend more often aren’t totally unfeasible either. I think part of me just wants to have some indicator or feeling that my life is moving forward and not stuck in limbo. I know it’s unrealistic to put myself on some kind of timeline since the reality is that I’m living my life month to month or 2 weekends a month based on my treatment schedule at the moment. However, there are certain milestones I want to reach post-diagnosis like moving into my own place, maybe getting a new car, maybe actually registering my car in the state I live in again….you know, big boy moves.

Being healthy enough to work has definitely filled a bit of that normalcy void where it’s both great but also weird to worry about job-related problems instead of what my next scan is going to show or how I’m going to feel after my next treatment. I never thought I’d be so happy to hear how behind we are on our quarterly revenue goals instead of my scan having some concerning images…

Anyway, it was great to be amongst friends and college co-eds watching my Wolverines take down Little Brother once again even though I was blacked out by halftime and puked behind a tree a block from our Airbnb….I’m so back!